Sunday, December 11, 2005
Tomorrow, will be my first time experiencing a plane ride… Sorta… I hope all goes well… I’ll be missin my sweetest most adorable doglet in the whole world! N my other close friends as well… I’ma gonna miss the whole lot of them… sighz… it’s been so long since I blog… anyway, it’s basically me jus spending loads of time with my puppie! Almost every single day! I’m so happy…It just seems purrfect, no matter what nonsense and hell we’ve been through, I still can’t ask for anything beter… Abt my school work, I'm so freakin screwed! I keep telling myself, live for the moment, if anythign happens, at least I'll die happy... Thus my hw is untouched n i've been slackin my days away...! I'm dead!
Sunday, August 07, 2005
It's been foreva since I last blogged... Where'd all my blardi time gone?!! Had camp the previous week, from 25 July... It was 5 days and well, it wasn't as bad as I had thought it out to be... Though the peeps I'm not really fond off, and a pesty lil group tt seems to find me a very amusin target... I pretty much learnt alota stuff and did things I've never done before... which was kinda cool...!
Did rock climbin, kayakin, walk a hell 26 km! realli bad food, horrible accommodations, 5 mins of bathin time and slept in a flooded tent...! yup, stuff I've never did before, hehez... Oh, and Ashir, I think that's how it's spelt, is a pretty cool trainer, his not only streetsmart but people smart as well... Hope one day we'll cross each other's path again... But still, I missed my daddy and my lil furball bad... sighz, almost died during the week... felt so crazy when smth went wrong and felt so helpless and depressed... But everything was settled soon enough... it always does... N I'm happy about that, though some things change, like a realli good friend told me...
Things might not be the same anymore but I treasure relationships more than anything else, whether izzit between friends, or someone closer, it always makes a deep impression on me, especially with people I share alot of my life with whether physically or in words... But like he said, sometimes two people drift apart so that other things can happen and I've gotta learn to live with that... I guess i've experienced that far too many times... But I hate it so... I hope I don't have to drift apart too...Oh, what if one day things get really bad and I have to chose one for one again? Hmm, I trust I'll get what I want most of the time, at least the freedom to chose who what and when... I'm not god, but I have control over almost anything I do, and I won't lose what I uphold to anything any anyone...
Did rock climbin, kayakin, walk a hell 26 km! realli bad food, horrible accommodations, 5 mins of bathin time and slept in a flooded tent...! yup, stuff I've never did before, hehez... Oh, and Ashir, I think that's how it's spelt, is a pretty cool trainer, his not only streetsmart but people smart as well... Hope one day we'll cross each other's path again... But still, I missed my daddy and my lil furball bad... sighz, almost died during the week... felt so crazy when smth went wrong and felt so helpless and depressed... But everything was settled soon enough... it always does... N I'm happy about that, though some things change, like a realli good friend told me...
Things might not be the same anymore but I treasure relationships more than anything else, whether izzit between friends, or someone closer, it always makes a deep impression on me, especially with people I share alot of my life with whether physically or in words... But like he said, sometimes two people drift apart so that other things can happen and I've gotta learn to live with that... I guess i've experienced that far too many times... But I hate it so... I hope I don't have to drift apart too...Oh, what if one day things get really bad and I have to chose one for one again? Hmm, I trust I'll get what I want most of the time, at least the freedom to chose who what and when... I'm not god, but I have control over almost anything I do, and I won't lose what I uphold to anything any anyone...
Monday, June 20, 2005
Suppose to be studyin... Ah, wad de hack, ain't much of a diff so to speak... I'm surfin again, hmm, bored...
Oh, I miss my lil furball... A darlin lil thing, wudn't trade it in for anything else in the world! Oh, and Zach's finally realised somethings in life? I don't think so... Still, good luck to him as always... I miss my pals... Haven't talk to them in ages, I wonder alot about them... I gotta learn how to use theis blogger thing... I'm gettin bored with this layout...
Oh, I miss my lil furball... A darlin lil thing, wudn't trade it in for anything else in the world! Oh, and Zach's finally realised somethings in life? I don't think so... Still, good luck to him as always... I miss my pals... Haven't talk to them in ages, I wonder alot about them... I gotta learn how to use theis blogger thing... I'm gettin bored with this layout...
Friday, June 03, 2005
My oh my, to be or not to be, that is the question... I feel stupid... Though that aint much of a difference from bein a fool. It’s been really long since I wrote anything anywhere… Anyway, it’s my entire fault… Shouldn’t have started anything maybe, it’s all too good to be true… The griping sense of confusion doesn’t even loosen for a second… It aint really fair big guy… But nonetheless, it was I who put the clouds above me, no one else… God, I’m so shamefully admitted to my selfish pride, I don’t see anything without a fog anymore no matter how many times I smelled the fumes dangerously strangling my own neck and people I love… I’m sorry Jae, I can’t take it… No one is good enough for me, I’m too caught up in fantasias which I dare not hope to eva discard… And it’s killing me inside! I hate to let go! I don’t understand how people can throw ashes into the sea or be a million miles away from a loved one… I don’t understand why people have to die…
It’s true I guess, if u don’t love and want anything, you won’t lose anything… Thus I either hated or hold things I love dearly to my heart. And worse of all, I had to hate to hurt, so I hated things I loved as well, to hurt them… Man, it sure is painful… I hate them for influencing me, I hate them for control and I hate it that I’m bounded to something or someone that I don’t have a control over. I’m highly possessive, anything that comes in between posses as a threat, I’ll immediately try to eliminate or hate the thing I love so I won’t get hurt if I have to let it go… But some things are just too agonizing to release… I hate to lose, I really hate it… If detaching is a worthy cause for greater good, I’ll take the hell of fire anytime… Especially for those whom I so dearly embrace… I’ll learn to let go no matter how much the pain exists. I’ve been doing that all my life…
The hardest thing I’ll eva have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don’t love you
It’s the hardest thing I’ll eva have to lie,
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can’t let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied,
And my heart’s not free
We’re not meant to be…
It’s the hardest thing I’ll eva have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don’t love you…
It’s true I guess, if u don’t love and want anything, you won’t lose anything… Thus I either hated or hold things I love dearly to my heart. And worse of all, I had to hate to hurt, so I hated things I loved as well, to hurt them… Man, it sure is painful… I hate them for influencing me, I hate them for control and I hate it that I’m bounded to something or someone that I don’t have a control over. I’m highly possessive, anything that comes in between posses as a threat, I’ll immediately try to eliminate or hate the thing I love so I won’t get hurt if I have to let it go… But some things are just too agonizing to release… I hate to lose, I really hate it… If detaching is a worthy cause for greater good, I’ll take the hell of fire anytime… Especially for those whom I so dearly embrace… I’ll learn to let go no matter how much the pain exists. I’ve been doing that all my life…
The hardest thing I’ll eva have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don’t love you
It’s the hardest thing I’ll eva have to lie,
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can’t let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied,
And my heart’s not free
We’re not meant to be…
It’s the hardest thing I’ll eva have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don’t love you…
Monday, May 02, 2005
I miss bloggin! Hehe... So many things on my hands now... Lots of school stuff! N a darling to pamper...! Oo, I'm soo loving it! Ups n downs are plenty, n surprisingly, i'm still surviving... gonna put my head on a silver platter on saturday durin parents cher meetin... hehez, i hope dad's on my side n Ms Lim has a heart! Zac really has gotta open up... I pray i did nothin wrong... Sigh, I gotta watch who I trust... Makin frens is a no prob, but puting faith in someone is a whole other thing... Ah, it doesn't matter... Gotta stay focus on what's important to me... Plan my blardi time to accomodate all...
Still hate chers, n now i just hate them more... naggy, irritating heartless creatures... worse still if they like pickin on ya... I'll try to stay out of their way s much s possible n i hope they stay out of mine... It doesn't blardi help s well haggin with e peeps i hang with... nice they may be, havoc aint exactly a good image... it's hard being stuck with them... I'm so much more comfortable with them than the rest... but really alone... what can i say, only gal with six guys... someone pls tell me what's wrong...?
Still hate chers, n now i just hate them more... naggy, irritating heartless creatures... worse still if they like pickin on ya... I'll try to stay out of their way s much s possible n i hope they stay out of mine... It doesn't blardi help s well haggin with e peeps i hang with... nice they may be, havoc aint exactly a good image... it's hard being stuck with them... I'm so much more comfortable with them than the rest... but really alone... what can i say, only gal with six guys... someone pls tell me what's wrong...?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Mew...! So ridiculously drained... Always doing the wrong assignment and all... Life's extreme and it hasn't even reach its limits yet... Miss my pals a whole lot... Ws delighted when Lex sat next to moi in church on Sunday... Skiped school todae, needed some recooperating and well, I was sorta late anyway, hehehz... dragged Xin along too, man, feel damn bad about that... least I get to sleep till 12...
So many things has happen, I'm not as hyper as I use to be... Would love to throw myself a few heavry weight responsibility, but for now, gotta deal with adjusting conditions... Fell in love and fell out of it, was so exciting it agaonized me to da core... Have someone who mattered to you tell you, you mean nothing, is nothing and an abosolute waste of time... Well, seven months is a long time, but nine is way longer, and I haven't changed myself one bit... Confusion still lasts but realising is another... Love never dies but gets lost... Mine was never lost and never will be... I'm open and embracing, I'm accepting and humble... Hopefully, I've got enough energy to last that long...
Drowning's bad, but for some reason or another, I can't help it but drown... And I like it, I desire it... It's freaking me out... The estacy is really strong, and for once I felt so much power and strength in one being... Even for the first time, the cosmic clashed and emitted what seem like an impossible bursting flame... Cradled it I did, the total intensity of power and fear, love and hate, reality and dreams... God works in many ways, miracles do happen, I concider the very existance of creation a miricle... With every fibre that sparkle, I'm drawn to caress desire and uncertainty... I do not fear uncertainty, I let uncertainty empower me... Thus is the wisdom that has to be refined, I like it all in all... Thank you for the thorns and rosses, I love every bit of creation... Hope... For nothing is without doubt... Only faith cures it... I pray my dearest and darlings will always stay by me no matter what, and may they be granted true happiness for eternity...
So many things has happen, I'm not as hyper as I use to be... Would love to throw myself a few heavry weight responsibility, but for now, gotta deal with adjusting conditions... Fell in love and fell out of it, was so exciting it agaonized me to da core... Have someone who mattered to you tell you, you mean nothing, is nothing and an abosolute waste of time... Well, seven months is a long time, but nine is way longer, and I haven't changed myself one bit... Confusion still lasts but realising is another... Love never dies but gets lost... Mine was never lost and never will be... I'm open and embracing, I'm accepting and humble... Hopefully, I've got enough energy to last that long...
Drowning's bad, but for some reason or another, I can't help it but drown... And I like it, I desire it... It's freaking me out... The estacy is really strong, and for once I felt so much power and strength in one being... Even for the first time, the cosmic clashed and emitted what seem like an impossible bursting flame... Cradled it I did, the total intensity of power and fear, love and hate, reality and dreams... God works in many ways, miracles do happen, I concider the very existance of creation a miricle... With every fibre that sparkle, I'm drawn to caress desire and uncertainty... I do not fear uncertainty, I let uncertainty empower me... Thus is the wisdom that has to be refined, I like it all in all... Thank you for the thorns and rosses, I love every bit of creation... Hope... For nothing is without doubt... Only faith cures it... I pray my dearest and darlings will always stay by me no matter what, and may they be granted true happiness for eternity...
Friday, April 08, 2005
Wheeee...!!! Hehehe, juz wanted to write smth for fun... It's been like weeks sinced I last blogged but ah well, time is of the essence! Yup, been bombarded with a million and one things and livin a totally stressed life... well, got mostly what i wanted, God is great! sigh, "Later" tho, no time now...
